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[01 Feb 2003|11:33pm] |
this ain't no party
this ain't no disco
this ain't no foolin around
fuck my life, i hate it sometimes.
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| fuck my life. no, really. |
[21 Jan 2003|07:19am] |
i am so fucking sick of people who say or do one thing and then turn around and do or say the exact opposite.
mark: acted all into it, saw me regularly, etc.
what he said: i can't have a relationship right now; i have to concentrate on school.
steve: i don't want to keep this going.
what really happened: he kept things going.
alex: i want to see a lot of you when you come back
what happened: he saw me once, didn't call me that weekend like he said he would, when i called the following tuesday someone else (i am assuming it was a friend of his, i think i recognized the voice) picked up and told me i had the wrong number, then i left him a voice message that of course he didn't return, and he left the country yesterday if everything went according to plan with his flight.
i have been shafted so many times it is ridiculous.
FUCK YOU ASSHOLES OUT THERE.
all of you.
i'm through.
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| wow. |
[14 Jan 2003|01:27am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 groggy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
willing to fight |
] |
i have been so good since i got back.
really, i have. i have slept in my own bed every night, not passed out somewhere...
no drugs, no drinking.
lots of schoolwork.
i'm still dealing with being misunderstood by every eligible remotely compatible male on the planet, but thus life goes.
my head is too sore and my heart's perforated...
"learning how to be alone"... this is tough.
where's my fucking soul mate?
above all, i am still disgruntled. as if you can not tell.
as if anyone that might actually read this fucking cares.
i never liked you, tampa. i am really glad to be somewhere else. there is considerably less bullshit.
you should try moving away. having no friends. starting from scratch. it is an experience worth having.
i am introducing my roomie to old ani songs. rock.
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| excuse me tampa, while i make my exit. |
[01 Jan 2003|09:59am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drunk |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the printer giving me directions OUTTA HERE! |
] |
so new years was fun, watched the lightning get beaten by the ottowa senators (go canadia!) then proceeded to party like it was 1999.
i'm out.
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| oh my god everybody |
[30 Dec 2002|08:34pm] |
|
i am updating this from the imac store in the yuppie mall here in tampa. 2 more days til denver woohoo!!!
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| well at least i've got less to be distracted by at school now... |
[18 Dec 2002|10:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 numb |
] |
dear livejournal,
you suck and i'm still not sure about deleting you.
love,
erin.
in other news, steve is sure he's not coming back now. which makes me sad. but on the bright side it might be good for me to not have the people that i have such a good time with at school with me. in either case. i am going to miss that boy. oh well, i guess i'm destined to be alone.
fuck my life.
but this will give me a chance to refocus on school, get the grades up, make lots of money (i've applied to like 2 zillion jobs and if all else fails i'll work for UPS loading trucks at the DIA from 10PM to 3AM), get my shit together to go to live in denver for the summer and go to csu, and possibly to be financially independent next year. it'll be hard but worth it.
my mom is constantly on my shit. i don't see why she can't trust my decision and know that when i say that i have evaluated everything in my life right now and i'm sure that this is something i want to do. i don't see what the difference is to her since i'll be saving money and doing something i like well enough to actually do it and not just half ass it like i've been doing. i don't see why we have to have christmas at our house every year and why i have to clean it (the house) since i've only been here for like a week and a half since the end of august.
JESUS.
i want out again. living at home sucks.
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| erin is at www.googlism.com |
[16 Dec 2002|08:04pm] |
erin is a gyroscope
erin is backed up
erin is a dork
erin is working on her bm and has participated in numerous
erin is the winner
erin is sweet
erin is natalie's babysitter and is the one who
erin is into google and this is what she got
erin is 30 minutes old
erin is awesome
erin is connected to because
erin is connected to the following things
erin is not at fault
erin is working at her new job
erin is nice
erin is a person who cares about others
erin is sporting mall hair
erin is about the public vs
erin is an academic star
erin is constructing one mobile
erin is no longer acting
erin is a very pretty lawyer
erin is a ranger
erin is not happy
erin is a night
erin is a professional speaker
erin is also a writer
erin is an inspirational reminder of the human spirit
erin is single and erin is shy
erin is too
erin is based on a true story
erin is 18 years old and recently graduated from high school
erin is in a real dilemma
erin is already at work for god
erin is my name
erin is a massage therapist
erin is breaking new ground as a very accomplished female guitar player with a soulful voice and feel for the blues
erin is a published writer
erin is a featured artist
erin is not satisfied being a simple legal secretary
erin is new
erin is graduating in may 2002
erin is who she is
erin is standing in the doorway talking to someone there is a tv set next to the door
erin is expected to turn away from the united states in the next day or two
erin is strengthening and has 40 mph winds at 21
erin is forested
erin is the 160th most popular female first name in the united states; frequency is 0
erin is back riding like she never missed a day
erin is very bright and very quick but she also has a tendency to be very confrontational
erin is free for those who participate
erin is particularly popular with people around my age
erin is no "suit" looking for a big win
erin is the family ?pioneer?
erin is a sweet and happy baby who smiles all day long
erin is an it solutions company specialising in complex information management and dissemination projects
erin is a wonderful
erin is a single mother trying to make a living and provide for her three children
erin is camping in horrendous weather
erin is very different
erin is just so ballsy and indomitable that the final outcome is never in much doubt
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[16 Dec 2002|07:44pm] |
so steve might not come back.
and alex told me his flight to fiji leaves the 20th.
no matter what the hell i do i can never score a fucking boyfriend can i. but truth be told even though i made all those half-joking remarks about marrying alex i'm not too keen on him right now. now that he's so far away he seems like he's less like the spectacular guy who romanced me and really lead me to believe he was into me and more like every other fucking guy in the world.
steve is another story. i dunno about that kid, ever, but really not now. i mean if he does leave i will know why and i won't feel like he did it because of me (a change over everyone else that i've met out there who simply seems to want out of my life in general) but i will still miss him a lot. and maybe it's just because i feel like we could have something better than what we do, even though that's cool for now, and i'm the kind of person to always be thinking towards what could be better than what i have now in all respects.
god.
and back to the essay.
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| wowza |
[15 Dec 2002|12:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 horny |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
i have the sounds of the band still ringing in my ears |
] |
so day went as follows: woke up almost late for work again. went to work. at noon started trying to get phish tickets. at 12:45 denver sold out. at 1 tried to get vegas phish tickets. at 2:23 vegas was solg out. so i am phishless but moneyful. whatever.
left work
went home
went to justin's
went to medeski martin and wood where i was wowed by three of the most amazing musicians in the entire world and on thop of that completely mezmerized as chris wood made love to my soul during his bass solo.
got chris wood's autograph and looked him in the eyes and thanked him as i was leaving. damn he is an attractive man.
did not do any drugs, despite the overwhelming presence of the merry hoo-ha and other assorted substances.
went home.
i think i have cramps?
i think this is good.
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| new year's resolutions |
[06 Dec 2002|01:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 distressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
how to disappear completely- radiohead |
] |
celibacy. or monogamy. or the vibrator.
no eating of grilled or fatty foods.
exercise aka ski, climb, etc. all the time
see above two: in order to maintain a lean mean 115. not a 128 or some other shit.
do better in school.
think seriously about transferring to csu.
be a better friend.
be a more responsible friend.
celibacy. most definitely.
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| ho de do |
[02 Dec 2002|06:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
none |
] |
so i took a three hour nap today.
yeeeeahhhh...
stayed up til about 1 on the phone with steve, talking about shitty things happening in the places we love (him the theater, mine the gym) and helping him figure out how to check his grades.
then woke up at 6:30 and went to work from 7:30- 1:30 for my dad, removing old keyboard trays and installing new ones at the intermedia locatiion in sabal park. i can't believe how much i am reminded of office space on a daily basis through working for my dad.
came home, ate some, walked the dog a couple times, made it come sleep in my room and calm down, and ended up sleeping for three hours.
MMMMMyeeeeeaaaahhhh...
now i think i'm going to eat again, call justin, hang out with him, pick up my cell phone charger at the gym, call kansas and bitch about my ticket, and etc.
leaving for PA on wed.
don't expect me to update this thing much anymore. lj just lost it's magic.
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[25 Nov 2002|05:10pm] |
3085 AHUM 1216 1 University Park Campus History: Autobiography A- 4.00 4.00 4.00 14.80
1359 ENGL 2220 1 University Park Campus Shakespeare-Respres Plays C 4.00 4.00 4.00 8.00
2701 FREN 2009 1 University Park Campus Intensive Grammar Review B+ 1.00 1.00 1.00 3.30
3749 UDCC 1000 3 University Park Campus Dystopias in Amer Lit & Film A 1.00 1.00 1.00 4.00
shit shit shit
pray for me next quarter
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| livejournal is a fucking bitch |
[25 Nov 2002|03:01pm] |
no wonder i don't use it.
so since i can't reply to ANYONE'S posts, let's just do this for real.
i am back in tampa. december 11th trhough the 19th i will be in pennsylvania. then december 27th through the 30th i will be in pennsylvania again. then january 1st whenever i roll my lazy ass out of bed after the new years festivities i have, i will be driving back up to pensacola and then to colorado.
if it all works out alright, we'll see.
there might be problems with uhhh getting insured.
YEAH... kansas is fucking worthless and theres nothing else to it. two tickets in ten minutes in different counties by different cops.
i'm getting a lawyer. i'm serious.
but anyways. blow up my mothafuckin cell phone if you're around. 813 493 7625.
love to all.
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|
[18 Nov 2002|03:29pm] |
i'm mellow and cool with everybody. and popular with young
and old. pass the love around.
find out what kind of drug you are @
tara's website.
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| ugh. |
[18 Nov 2002|02:18am] |
-- Name: erin
-- Birthdate: may 1 nineteen eighty four
-- Birthplace: torrance california
-- Current Location: denver colorado
-- Eye Color: blue blue blue
-- Hair Color: red red red
-- Righty or Lefty: righty tighty
-- Zodiac Sign: taurus
-- Innie or Outtie: innie
describe
-- The shoes you wore today: flip flops and wool socks... YEAH, i know.
-- Your hair: dirty
-- Your eyes: bloodshot
-- Your weakness?: sex, at the moment
-- Your fears: rejection by the opposite sex, never finding anyone, coke, failing out of school, falling.
-- Your perfect pizza: something good.
what is
-- Your most overused phrase on aim: lol jk rotflmao
-- Your thoughts first waking up: damn i am having sex again?
-- The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: eyes, hair, smile. simultaneously.
-- Your best physical feature: apparently my body... everyone here thinks i'm hot.
-- Your bedtime: do i have one?
-- Your greatest accomplishment: i don't really know if i've actually made any accomplishments recently.
-- Your most missed memory: whatever happened that wednesday night that i don't remember.
you prefer
-- Pepsi or coke: neither
-- McDonald's or Burger King: the big n tasty
-- Adidas or nike: all day i dream about... sleeping.
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: arizona green tea
-- Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate is a mild aphrodesiac
-- Cappuccino or coffee: coffee with creamer
-- Boxers or briefs: boxers
do you
-- Smoke: the wacky weed
-- Cuss: like no one's business
-- Sing well: yeah moderately i think
-- Take a shower everyday: hell no
-- Have a crush(es): yeah multiple different ones but a huge one at the moment that i hope is not a letdown
-- who are they: alex lowe (not the one that died in the avalanche, the one that goes to cu)
-- Do you think you've been in love: oh god yes and i could be again if it goes like i think it might
-- Want to go to college: want to stay in college at this point
-- Like high school: it was ok but not for me
-- Want to get married: like no one's business
-- Type with your fingers on the right keys: hell no
-- Believe in yourself: at times
-- Get motion sickness: not really
-- Think you're attractive: apparently i am so i guess i'd have to plead no argument since attractive is a relative term
-- Think you're a health freak:i wish.
-- Get along with your parents: ugh whatever we'll see
-- Like thunderstorms?: i live in a constant thunderstorm at home so i am pretty mch accustomed
-- Play an instrument:
in the past month, did/have you
-- Drank alcohol: fuck me god only knows how much
-- Smoke(d): see above
-- Done a drug: yeah shrooms twice
-- Have Sex: that would also be an affirmative. geez, why do i feel like i'm failing this part?
-- Made Out: well see above, dumbass.
-- Go on a date: haha no. damn. i lose, don't i?
-- Go to the mall?: actually yes.
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: nope.
-- Been on stage: been on a stripper pole at a frat but not on a stage.
-- Been dumped: well since i haven't dated i haven't been dumped.
-- Gone skating: nope, skiing though.
-- Made homemade cookies: nope, omlets though.
-- Been in love: nope.
-- Gone skinny dipping: ok A) lack of water and B) very very frigid
-- Dyed your hair: thank god no
-- Stolen anything: i think i must have
have you ever
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing?: yeah probably
-- If so, was it mixed company: yeah probably
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: oh yeah
-- Been caught "doing something": yeah my mom walked in on me a few years ago making out, and someone walked in on me and steve a while ago...
-- Been called a tease: not that i recall
-- Gotten beaten up: nope.
-- Shoplifted: nope.
-- If so, did you get caught:
-- Changed who you were to fit in: i think maybe i have. but i don't know if it's to fit in as much as it is to be out there like i wanna be.
***series ocho - the future
-- Age you hope to be married: 22
-- Numbers and Names of Children: 0
-- Descibe your Dream Wedding: small intimate affair outdoors with a dress with a huge tulle skirt and all kinds of flowers in my hair.
-- How do you want to die: i don't think you have much choice a long as you're not suicidal
-- Where you want to go to college: du
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: older, taller, more experienced
-- What country would you most like to visit: france
***series... nine - number of
-- Number of girls I have kissed in my life: 2
-- Number of girls you have made out with: 1
-- Number of girlfriends you've had: 1
-- Number of boys I have kissed: god, 20+
-- Number of boys you have made out with: 20+
-- Number of boyfriends you've had: 10?
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: ALL OF THEM. well weed and shrooms and alcohol if you count that because i'm under 21.
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: a few. maybe 4. more if belaying counts.
-- Number of CDs that I own: i dunno.
-- Number of piercings: 2 ears that i wish would close.
-- Number of tattoos: 1, soon to hopefully be more.
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: a lot, they used to run the honor roll
-- Number of scars on my body: like 4 or 5 main ones
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: a few. more than i'll ever admit. more recently than ever before. yeah.
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[13 Nov 2002|11:53am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 relieved |
] |
so the awful week has come to an end.
last night i got up the balls to try one last time to talk to steve, and just my luck, it worked. i went down to his room at about 8 last night and stayed until 2 am. dave was in there until maybe 1:30 and we were all just talking about random things that had affected us in our lives. it was an awesome conversation... though most of it dave and i left steve out of because he was on the phone with his mom and then his uncle. then we watched all the shitty things that had happened during the day/week on the news, bitched about all of that for a while, and decided to call it a night. i was a little confused as to what exactly steve had expected me to do, since i had gotten up to leave shortly after dave and he had asked if i wanted to stay and watch the news. i got my stuff to go back to my room and i was like, you know, you still haven't talked to me. and he's like, i'll talk... what do you want to talk about exactly, and i was like, i just want to know what exactly is up between us. and he told me how he's been stressing lately because he's still not over the girl he dated for like six months or whatever. he started apologizing for it and i was lik, no worries. i basically have the same thing going on in my life, only i deal with it differently. yeah.
stuckUPlikeYOU: but i mean, i'm really not over justin either
stuckUPlikeYOU: i need to go home and see what happens with that
Al23fA: oh
Al23fA: ok
Al23fA: well good then
stuckUPlikeYOU: yeah
stuckUPlikeYOU: and i need to just chill on the guy thing
Al23fA: i htkn so too
stuckUPlikeYOU: i am boy crazy as shit
stuckUPlikeYOU: it's insane
Al23fA: youve had ur fun for a while
stuckUPlikeYOU: yeah
i didn;t feel like retyping that. so yeah. thats what i need to do.
and a couple essays, while i'm at it. lordy lordy. thank god for late drop/add.
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| my plea to the third party mediator. |
[11 Nov 2002|02:37am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pissed off |
] |
friday night i asked steve to talk to me and he said he would either that night or the next day. saturday at like 6 i see him and he still hadn't come by so i ask him if he is going to talk to me and he says not right then he was going to do something (some drug, probably) and he'd either talk to me later or the next day. i'm like, fine, whatever. alex and i went to lambda and i got pretty drunk but i was taking care of alex and we got into halls and i put her to bed and then hung out downstairs with miguel and neal and other ra's. steve comes downstairs at some point and i ask if he wants to watch requiem for a dream with me and miguel because we decided we wanted to see it. he's like sure and he goes upstairs. i go up shortly afterwards to get my computer and on my way down i go to his room to see if he's got the cord that we need to connect it to the big tv. he's on someone's cell phone and i ask him if i can have the cords and he's like, not right now i really have to talk to this person (i think he said it was andra but i dunno) and i was like, all i need is the cords, you don't have to come watch it, and he's like, no i can't i have to talk to this person. ugh. so today he comes by my room at like 6 and i was literally walking back to my room after taking a shower when i saw him. he's like, ok i'll go take a shower and talk to my mom and then i'll come back and talk to you. i'm like cool whatever. at 9 i have to go to slating and i see him outside as i'm on my way out. i'm like, i'll be back in a little bit, what are you doing later and he's like, i still haven't taken a shower as if thats why he hasn't come by yet. then after i get back i go by his room and i leave a note for him to come by charlie and greg's room to see me where i am watching a movie. i leave their room and i go by steve's only to see the note on the floor. i just pick it up and put it in my pocket. later on i am down in the lobby talking to alison and alex and keith and he comes in and he's fucked up beyond comprehension. he barely acknowledges me as he stands waiting for the elevator and then i ask him if he's going to be back down and he just shakes his head and waves his hand as if he's dismissing something. so i don't care if he's not going to make any fucking effort, but if he ever happens to be sober again that you notice please let him know that he obviously can't fucking handle drugs because they're more important to him than relating to people in any way that resembles something real or normal. he's such a great guy only you'd never know that because he's fucking obsessed with being fucked up. i give up.
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[08 Nov 2002|09:32am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
i think it's u2 |
] |
course schedule is as follows:
Monday/Wednesday 11-12:50 ENGL2708: Major Women Writers
1-2::50 SOCS1850: Understanding Social Life: Honors
Tuesday/Thursday 11-12:50 ENGL2707: Contemporary Literature
1-2:50 PSYC2080: Drugs and Behavior
FUCK YEAH!
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| every up must have its down |
[07 Nov 2002|08:33am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 frustrated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
none |
] |
so i should a) go back to keeping a journal and b) chill the fuck out on being fucked up every single night.
last night was awful. didn't start out that way but ended up that way for sure. i was like, OK no drinking at all tonight. drive the boys to the liquor store and chill as they down 40s in my car in the parking lot. go inside into xanders room and chill and laugh and various people try their hand at the beer funnel. fun stuff. steve is popping in and out of the room because he and dave are still trying to sell their shit off and make their money back as soon as possible to pay off various debts they've acquired. chill more. dave comes back and we talk for a good long while because he is good to talk to. he invites me to go smoke a bowl with him. i figure, hey, bowl, i can swing that. as long as i'm not getting drunk. i still have the mentality that i can never get as fucked up by smoking as i do by drinking. so we go smoke and at this point it might be 1 or 1:30. then we go downstairs for a cigarette and steve is down there and so is his friend andra which i am not really sure about but she was being nice to me last night so whatever. steve tells me he HAS to go talk to her and snort half of some pill with her. he tells me to wait in xander's room for him and he will come back. i'm like, whatever. so i chill in xander's room which is daed at this point, emily is sleeping, alex is groggy and sitting in bed, xander is flipping out because he needs to get a website done and six response essays done all by the next day. i'm just chilling on the beanbag cracking jokes about xander's roommate being an agressive homosexual. we're laughing and stuff and all of a sudden i realize HEY it's like 2:30. where's steve? who knows. i go to the bathroom to treat my yeast infection (because i forgot to do it the night before) and look in steve's room for him. he is not there, his roommate is passed out on the floor holding his guitar and watching lord of the rings on his computer. there's a huge keyboard on steve's bed because his roommate was jamming in there earlier. i'm like, great, so much for crashing in steve's bed and just waiting for him there. so i go back to xander's room and steve shows up 10-15 minutes later. i'm like good, finally.. steve says something about going to bed and i'm like, great. so he and dave and i go into his room to look at something he needed to show dave, and then dave excuses himself to go to sleep. i ask steve if he wants to come up to my room since his bed is covered by various shit and he's like, oh i have so much shit to do and all of a sudden he has shit to do. whatever happened to going to bed i don't know. so he asks me what am i doing later and i say well, probably going to bed. and he's like, oh ok well... and trails off and i ask him what he is doing tomorrow. we go out into the hall and steve pushes the elevator button. he pushes the up button for me. his RA comes up one elevator and steve holds it for him while his RA gathers up his shit to go to arizona for the weekend or something. the other elevator comes and even though i'm not sure at all that i want to go up, we start holding that one for me. i'm like, steve, come by my room at 5 tomorrow. he's like 5. just repeating what i said. i don't know if he really comprehended me. i decide that it's not worth it and get into the elevator. i stumble into my room at 3 and just try to go to sleep but i can't because i'm impossibly itchy from the yeast infection tratment which being one-day is incredibly strong and i could literally feel it working. lovely, just what i need right. i finally passed out.
i need to get back on track. my nights are running together at this point. i'm falling asleep in nearly every class. i never leave the dorms. i haven't climbed in like 2 solid weeks. i haven't sold my car and i'm so behind on school work. i have 2 8 to 10 page papers, one 5 to 7 page paper, a 5 page paper, a book to read, a power point to do, and a presentation to do. ALL NEXT WEEK. NONE OF IT STARTED ON. i can not keep letting myself avoid reality and escape to mmy little world of sex drugs and alcohol. really. even my harcore partying friends are a little worried about me.
and i really am distressing about steve. it has gone beyond him having the occasional sli[ of the mind and forgetting to come back to where he said he'd meet me. it has gone beyond smoking a couple bowls and going to bed together. it has gotten to the point where he is always running off to meet someone else or do/sell some other drug or talk to some person that it is imperative he talk to at 3 in the morning. it was not this bad before. why is it bad now? i have no idea. i need sobriety, clarity of mind. i wouldn't mind being stoned but last night i definitely could have used more of my mental faculties to deal with the fact that i was tired, felt like shit, was itchy, and hated everything about the situation. ugh. and i have no more clean underwear. well, thongs. but none that cover. which is absolutely imperative at this point.
ugh. i'm coming home.
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| oh what a night |
[06 Nov 2002|04:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
ben harper |
] |
last night i had three shots of 151 and various beers and smoked. i was in xander's room last i remember and i thought i passed out there because i woke up there this morning. however, upon waking up, i realized i had lost my phone, ID, shoes, and purse. i went to class and started freaking out because i realized the enormity of the situation. my debit cards, id, school id, cash, phone with numbers i don't have anywhere else... all gone. so i try to break into my room and i can't because the hanger is too bent out of shape to use anymore. kasey comes by and offers to take me to lunch on her meal card because she can tell i'm tweaking, and so i go. on the way, i stop by dave's room because i figure he might know what the hell happened to my stuff. he's like, i dunno, you had your shoes on in here last night... and i'm like whoa hold up. i was in HERE last night? apparently yes, i smoked 4 or 5 bowls in there with him and steve he says. he says i was drunk as hell too, which is obvious because i can't remember anything about being in his room. i asked if it was possible that steve had it because he was trying to take care of me or something, and he said maybe. so i go to lunch and i start thinking about everything and finding it humorous, even to the point that i was like, eh, it was harmless, i should do it again tonight. so i go back upstairs and it's noon so i figure steve is waking up and will be there. yeah... he's smoking out with his roommate. lovely. and i'm like, steve where did my stuff go? and he's like i dunno... why did you leave here last night? and i said what i was here too? apparently so because i look down to see my purse sitting there on his bed. i found my shoes in there too. apparently i had left to go to the bathroom and never came back. nice. but i still don't know what happened for those few hours and why i ended up in xander's bed instead of steve's (i know i didn't do anything with xander but i don't know why i wouldn't have gone back to steve's room). i am a little worried but i am sure things will work themselves out. i know i didn't hook up with anyone or do anything stupid like take my clothes off, but i cn not for the life of me imagine what i did or how i was acting. and it's important to me to know that because i like steve a lot. i don't know what is going on between us and it's not completely important for me to know either, but getting shitty drunk and not remembering what i may have said i can only imagine. sucks. ugh. i shoudl talk to him i guess. damn me. fuck drinking tonight. i am committed to staying sober. i can not wait to go home and rest. SIGH!
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quaintlilfetish's journal